The Tiny Voice of Reason

Where Did Our Humanity Go?

Amazingly, we oftimes have to be educated about ourselves.  I am black.  In the United States I am seen as African American, in the West Indies I would be considered any nationality by appearance or American by accent.  Depending on my statements I could be any religion or an atheist.  By my dress, I could be wealthy, middle class or poor.  Anywhere I go, many would look for similarities or differences to their group in order to "properly" classify me.  At the end of the day, I will still be me.

The same can be said about religious groups.  You can be Christian and believe in Jesus.  Which book you read determines which major group you belong to; yet, how you interpret certain passages will determine which sub-group of the main group you belong.  In the LGBTAI community there is sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, chromosomes etc.  In all groups there is race, ethnicity, religion, political affiliation etc. 

What many forget is that the main group is not religion, sexual orientation, race, gender, gender identity etc.  The main group is Human.   We seem to have forgotten our humanity.  One sub-group of humanity is not more important that the rest.  All groups create the whole yet, without individuals, there is no whole.  Our strength as a species is within our diversity.  At the end of the day, we are all still human.

Vegetables, Intimacy and Life, Oh My!

I have half-formed prejudices.  They never fully develop because half way through development I realise what they are and debunk them.  Like my vegetable prejudice when I was a child.  I swore I hated them all from broccoli to spinach.  Why?  "All vegetables were mushy messes when cooked and slithered down your throat in slimy gooeyness when swallowed!  Ew!"  Yes, a definite prejudice but I never saw it as a prejudice.  A prejudice is a generalisation instead of a specific.  It is not logical.  A prejudice is never discussed, thought about or made to answer the most important question you can ask in life; "why?" 

We have to ask the question "why?" whenever we generalise anything.  There is always an answer.  It is when the answer comes from inside you that it is true.  The one feeling animosity is us and no other person or book will be able to truly answer such a personal question as "why do you feel this way?"

I believed all vegetables were disgusting when I was a child because that is how they were cooked in our home.  That was the way that individual liked their vegetables.  Since I memorized the sequence of directions from this source, I cooked our vegetables this way also.  It was all I knew and was therefore truth to me.  When I saw my first crisp vegetable, I was shocked and did not want to try them.  That would mean change.  It would mean that what I thought I knew was not false but not the only truth.  I knew it was not my truth. 

I may have been cooking vegetables like that for years but I did not eat them.  Nothing worse than overcooked spinach.  Bleah!  Finding crisp vegetables was an actual relief but also scary.  It felt disloyal.  I actually felt guilty.  By eating them and enjoying them meant that I'd also have to acknowledge that I actually disliked this relative's cooking and not the vegetables themselves.  I was all of 9 years old when this experience happened.  I understood this concept of prejudice even though I did not know the word.

Later on in my life, at the ripe old age of 11, I was raped.  One part of me wanted to hate all men.  I even tested out the thought briefly and immediately felt guilty.  I can't hate all men.  My daddy is a man and if I hate all men that means I have to hate my dad.  That's just not true.  So I tried race, weight, age etc and exhausted all options because I knew another family member who fit those descriptions that I actually liked.  So I sighed in defeat and then decided to hate myself instead.  Years later that hate and rage was shared equally between myself and my rapist.  It's been whittled down throughout the years by constantly asking myself "why?" after every mental statement.  Yes, I have been annoying myself for years.

"I hate all men!"
  "Why?"
  "They overpower you and take what they want!"
"Really?  All the men in the world did this?" 
"The ones I've known do!  Every single man wants to take over my life.  Take away everything I am until nothing is left"
 "When did this start?"
 "It's all I've ever known"
 "Since your parents?  Your father?" 
"No.  Since the rape.  My dad is a marshmallow." 
"So, this isn't the product of all men then" 
"No, one man did this." 
I'm confused.  If one man did it they why hate all men?  Aren't the rest innocent?" 
"Shit! Okay.  I hate one man"
 "Wow.  Hate is a strong word.  You must have known him pretty well to hate him." 
"I didn't know him at all." 
"If you didn't know him how can you hate him?" 
"I hate what he's made me.  I hate the fear I feel everyday.  I hate the panic attacks when I see any man.  I hate my reactions to my boyfriends that makes them think it is okay to overpower me.  I hate the way I feel"
"Hmm.  Sounds like it has nothing to do with men and everything to do with your emotional reaction to intimate situations.  So what do you think you have to do?"
"I have to change the experience.  I have to own it.  Own my feelings instead of producing a memorized reaction.  Once I own it.  I can change it.  I can enjoy it.  I'm no one's trained pony."

After this little pep talk at the age of 15 I was finally able to take the first steps toward a normal, for me since that's what normal means, relationship.  Normal for me.  Within my comfort zone.  Ya'll know damn well that wasn't the entire conversation but it helped.  My first intimate relationship was with a boy in our building.  His name was Marc.  It was funny to me at least.  As most teenage boys do, he thought I needed to hear "I love you" in order to get to 2nd base.  I remember cutting him off and telling him not to insult my intelligence.  I didn't love him, he didn't love me and let's get that clear right now.  You should have seen the look on his face.  I still laugh at that.  Those were my first baby steps.  Thank goodness for vegetables, huh?  HA!

Not Anti-Social...Just Intense

I've never been...social.  In fact most would say that I'm rather anti-social, although, to my reasoning that isn't true.  If asked a direct question, I can answer and engage in lengthy conversations quite easily.  I simply find social meetings to be places where people stand about and talk about themselves.  What they've done, where they've been, where they plan to go and hope to do.  I've never felt the need to discuss myself, and, if anyone were to meet me in public they'd find that I'm usually the one observing.  I'm more prone to asking questions than volunteering random information.  Many have heard more from me on this blog than they've ever had in public, which came as quite a shock. 

It's not that I have nothing to say, or have no interest in a broad range of subjects.  It is merely that most spend so much time volunteering random information to make conversation that no one questions.  So, no, I'm not anti-social, I just have not been asked the right questions...l. 

Church Membership Does Not Mean Legal Immunity

I read this article:  Christian Counselor Loses Case on Gay Sex Therapy and here is my response.

If we simply look on the surface of this we might sympathize because, as it is presented to us, we would not like to be fired for a personal belief. 

Looking deeper though, we would see that it was not a thought or ideal that caused the outcome but an action.  It does not matter what our religion says when it comes to secular law.  Any action that harms another is illegal.  Discrimination, assault, murder etc.

When you apply for a job that offers services to the public, you are agreeing to present said service to ALL of the public regardless of personal belief.  Once you are hired by a public company; you ARE the company in the eyes of the public.  If you discriminate, or perpetuate any other crime, while working for said company then the company can be held liable for your actions.  This is applicable for ALL employees of ANY religious denomination working for said company. 

If a public company offers services to the public it cannot discriminate against ANY member of the public.  A religious institution is similar to a entity that offers services via membership.  You must be a member to receive services and to become a member you must follow x,y and z.  The fact that churches offer memberships to everyone is what prevents it from being discrimination.  

Unless you are a part of a religious institution, representing that religious institution and working for that religious institution, you as a simple member of that institution do not have it's legal protections.  You are simply a member accessing services.  To have this article cite the entire religion (Christianity) for marginalization due to the anger of one member, for actions in representation of that member, is preposterous.  The church that member attended was not offering Sex Therapy; that member's employer was.

Even the church keeps repeating that they do not turn away the GLBT community but offer limited services to those members.  Or at least that's their legal stance.  A member of one organization cannot use that membership as a legal defense for denying services in representation of another organization.